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Proposed Purchase of the Aiken Mile Track
101 Reasons We Ran the 101st Boston Marathon
( Humorous
article, from 1983 vintage Newsletter)
Several Aiken Track Club (ATC) members were
lounging around one sultry evening, sipping iced tea and discussing the
upcoming sale of the Aiken Mile Track (for horses). It was proposed that the Club purchase the
track for our own persoanl use.
Ridiculous, you say? Consider the positives about the
purchase. We'd get a 1 mile clay track -
good for those who break out in shin splints at the sight of asphalt. Plus, the sellers have obligingly thrown in a
7/8 mile track which we could use as a 1500 m track. Then there are the 10 barns and 186 stalls--
enough for every ATC member to have his/her own stall. We could advertise our historic winter
training facility in the national publications.
Elite runners would flock to Aiken in droves. They could be housed in the 11
apartments. We can use any of the 10
barns for extra capacity, or to house runners from 3rd world countries.
Still not convinced? The tack rooms would be perfect for
displaying your trophies and T-shirts.
Plus the lighted show ring would be perfect for pre-race warm-ups and
stretching. This would allow the
spectators to view us and pick their favorites based on size, muscle definition
and rigor of warm-up!
The ATC is currently seeking donations from
members toward the purchase. A $100,000
donation entitles you to a brass name plate for your stall. A $250,00 donation
entitles you to a lifetime supply of clean, dry bedding for your stall. Remember, not to overlook any donations on
next years tax return, they are tax deductible. (To simplify bookkeeping,
donations in other amounts will not be accepted).
by Betty Ryberg
The Annual New Years Days Run led (or "misled")
by Ken Akin started 1997 off for 10 Aiken area runners. It turned out to be a Cookie Run as Richard Allewelt sent sugar cookies. He had just run 21 miles on December 31 and
thought the sugar cookies would cause us to overlook that lame excuse for not
showing. We hope Richard is absent alot, the cookies were that good.
Leading the pack was of course Ken Akin on a course most
of us had never seen (much to his delight).
Ken Cole stayed strong - I think coaching has kept the two Kens as fit
as they have ever been (Ken Akin w/ the Leukemia Team in Training, Ken Cole w/
the South Aiken Cross Country) Right up there in the front was Joseph
(JP) Lamb - he has been back from his missionary work in Africa longer than we
realized, but we were waiting till all symptoms of E boli
Virus disappeared before anyone called him.
He is obviously not sick and buoyed us up with stories from his
travels. Charles Stoyle
had been on this trail before but coming off his fabulous Kiawah Marathon time,
he was in oxygen debt and didn't mention the hills to anyone beforehand. Charles has been focused most recently on
massages, so it's even hard to get him to talk about his favorite long-run
topic-FOOD! Leighton McClendon threw out
his '96 resolution by just coming! He
promised if Ken Akin ever called him to run again, he would say "not just
no, but - hell no!" Leighton is
just a good sport and more precisely had to entertain us with his '97
resolution which, of course, was about sex.
Jimmy Adams, still recovering, but always willing, came all the way
across the river to put in a strong
I, Betty Ryberg, was there.
Betty Ryberg
1.
Camaraderie - Ken, Ken, Betty and Martin felt like we represented all you who
helped us get there - Thanks!!
2.
Post Race High - Beautiful big finish here! 3.
Hospitality - Volunteers extrordinaire.
4.
New England Spring - 50 °F and Sunny, WOW!! 5.
Town Support - One outdid the other.
6.
Accents -Ken
Cole ran next to a "Bob" and a "Harvard" who were cheered
on with those great
7.
Hop Kinton - A Dream village - The town goes all out
- Festival time.
8.
Police - Friendly, cheering fans
9.
Volunteers - They clapped and cheered - "we wanted for nothing" quote
from Ken Aiken.
10.
Athletic Village - Entertainment, food, massages, tents - we felt like
Olympians.
11.
Port-Olets - As far as the eye could see!
12.
Amenities - Water every mile, Gatorade, powerbars,
power gel, Vaseline on the course.
13.
Chip - the grand new age timing device - they work
14.
Corrals - avoid pre-race pushing (Ed. note: Corrals are small
subgroupings of runners into seeded time brackets)
15.
Organization -most efficient event ever experienced by the four of us
16.
Smoking - the race starter asked all runners to extinguish all smoking
materials for the safety of others!
17.
Medical Tent - Martin and Ken Aiken rated them high - Martin at 7 mi, Ken at
the Finish.
18.
BAA mind set - Rewarded the injured Charles Stoyle by
automatic requalification for next year. 3 Cheers to both!!
19.
Fans from home - All the cards, letters, phone messages - kept us "kickin butt" - from Mike Milnes.
20.
Fans away from home - Greg Ryberg once again did the
job he was hired to do - He found us all!
Pick up at mile 23! Kathy Coffey
schlepped around
21.
Blessing - Special Marathon Service on Sunday where they blessed all the
marathoners and we all got to go up to the alter, say our name and home town,
you'll never hear a better "Chariots of Fire" than one played on a
Church organ!!
22.
Food - Great place to eat pasta - They pride themselves on the pre- and post
race meals.
23. Entry fee - We all agreed we got our money's
worth! Plus more smiles than money could
buy!!
24.
25.
Red Sox Double Header - The
26.
Patriots Day - the 3rd Monday of April is a State holiday so we are to the
people of
27.
High Fives - counting kids along the way- made each runner feel like a champ.
28.
The Hoyts - Father and son. I saw them eating out Saturday night - an inspiration
- overwhelming love!
29.
Wheelchair - the
30.
Bag Pickup - No delay- A smile and then miraculously, you bag!!
31.
Flat Coke - My 1st time trying this - worked great for those that cannot digest
carbo's - Got this tip from Ann Geddes.
32. Gu, Reload, Power Bars,
Glucose tablets - experiment with them, they seem to work.
33.
Post Race Energy - We will all hire out!
An untapped market of "will work for food employees"!!
34-100.
All the Downhills in Aiken that prepared us as the uphills - Downhills are grueling!
101.
Discipline, Desire, Determination got us there - But those same things and you
all got us home again. Thank You.
By Charles McKeel
I recently altered my running routes and am
spending more time "sharing" the roads with alternate forms of
transportation. I don't really like the
idea of sharing the road--especially with a vehicle that is substantially
larger and heavier than I. And
apparently, as I am sometimes rudely reminded, many of the operators of these
vehicles are not too keen on sharing the road either.
After
many many miles of sharing the road (and many, many
near misses), I have become quite proficient at linking the type of car to my
pending safety. I’ll share this with
you, so you’ll have a few seconds warning before being having
to jump into the nearest ditch! I
should point out that this system is not foolproof, since cars are sometimes
borrowed or stolen.
Warning,
if your lips move when you read, you are currently holding a spit cup, or your
Mother’s three siblings and your Fathers 4 siblings only add up to five
different people, you will probably be offended by my
list!!
I have rated certain vehicles and drivers with
a Hazard Level (HL) from 1 to 10 to assist you, (1) means you are in no danger, and (10)
means you may soon have FORD permanently stamped backwards onto your
backside.
Old pick-up trucks. The HL is based mostly on year and
color. The score has a high dependence
on the amount of red pigment in the paint, however faded.
N
Model years from 1960 through about 1992
usually mean trouble. This is probably
because these are usually work trucks, and the drivers are not happy that they
are working, and we are out running. Or,
they are just a Bubba. Give these
vehicles a base score of six. Add up to
three more points based on red pigmentation.
Add another point based on the proximity of the driver’s origins to
Southern Alabama.
N
Very old trucks or very new trucks tend to
be safe. I reason that old trucks are
the owner's toy, and new trucks are driven by those trendy buyers (you know,
they aren't really "truck" people).
These score around 4. Some
variability exist with the newer trucks, so beware.
Cars with more than one person.
The
testosterone level only increases linearly with the number of males, but its
effect on actions and foolishness increases exponentially! (My wife says
engineers use too many geek words)
N
Three or more young males add to trouble,
and a high score. A
minimum of 7. Add a few points if
anybody is wearing a cap twisted to the side.
If the driver was just given a new car and it appears that it was for finally
getting a C in remedial 8th grade math, go ahead and jump to the
ditch!
N
Three or more young females pose no serious
threat. I don't really have an explanation,
but these drivers usually veer to the other side of the road, regardless of
vehicle traffic in the opposite lane. Though
they veer away, they don't bother slowing.
This results in a low to moderate threat. You can rate the HL at 3 to 4.
Mothers
of young children
I
think some protective instinct is at work here.
Every mother transporting her children will veer directly at you, as if
you were endangering the children.
N
If the children are young, the HL will be
about 7.
N
If the vehicle is a Minivan, the HL is near
9. In fact, with a minivan, the children
do not even have to be in the car!
Older
Women Drivers (I would include men, but the only ones that live
that long are fellow runners--like those old coots in the Augusta Striders,
ha! ha!). Women over age 75 are real threats.
N
Being over age 75 is enough to score a HL
of 6.
N
If the car is a 10 year old GM product (90%
of old people drive these, 10% current have DWI’s),
the score goes to 8.
I
have two competing theories as to why these women are dangerous:
(1)
Driving in a straight line and in the designated lane and/or shoulder is tough
enough for these drivers. Add in some
poor vision and slow brain processing speed to complete this theory.
(2)
All the years of polite smiling, slowing down, and shifting to the other lane,
has taken its toll. Revenge is sweet to
these people masquerading as nice old ladies just trying to stay in their lanes.
Now that I offended everyone, I'll see you on the
roads, hopefully before you see me!
Charles McKeel
Has anyone seen my
S? It is no longer occupying its normal
position, probably due to increased mass.
It used to be that I was described as F A S T. Now that life has gotten in the way of my
running, my S has gotten so big that it no longer fits in the word F A S
T. Of course, I'm not all that happy
with the newly formed word from the remaining three letters, F A T.
I guess it is to be
expected since I am getting…older. It
was bound to affect the appearance of my S.
But I didn't realize it would happen so sudden. I guess I should be thankful that only 25% of
the FAST letters were affected. If 50 %
of the letters were booted from F A S T, then I'd just be some sorry half-fast
runner!
I have come up with a few ideas of where my S has
gone. It may have decided to join up
with some other extraneous letters to turn my LOW races times into SLOW. Perhaps its now
just a “lazy S” and doesn’t bother to contribute to any words. My wife is very convinced it’s the lazy S
theory!
Our fearless leader,
One hundred people barely showed up for this
year’s “clothing optional” Fig Leaves 5K.
Being an early-morning race, you could just see the crack of Dawn at the
start time. Despite the early hour, it
was clear that some of the male participants were quite excited about getting
the race started. The lead pack was
hotly contested, as they were running to [sic] a breast, some were running for
[sic, and getting more sic] a breast.
Our man
The men’s race was tight the entire way, as the
overall winner was barely able to inch out the victory. The women's race was close as well, with the
overall female winning by a hair. It was
reported that
Of course, there were many strong feelings about
this particular race format. One of the
spectators was heard saying “I’ve never seen so many half-fast runners in my
life.” The race director was pleased
with the turnout, commenting, “Most people had a ball. I am looking forward to seeing more of these
people next year.”